eager_immi
07-18 04:22 PM
I love the idea of monthly subscription website what does the core think. This works just like AILA does.
I know many of friends who use IV as recourse for NEWS but they don't register nor contribute. Even after multiple reminders and sarcastic comments they don't. I feel pity for them, they don't understand by registering and contributing they help them self and others. Shouldn�t we make IV a monthly subscription web site? That way we will have only serious members.
I know many of friends who use IV as recourse for NEWS but they don't register nor contribute. Even after multiple reminders and sarcastic comments they don't. I feel pity for them, they don't understand by registering and contributing they help them self and others. Shouldn�t we make IV a monthly subscription web site? That way we will have only serious members.
wallpaper Claymore Wallpaper # 3
gaz
08-26 12:14 AM
could you please provide some reference or more detail to this?
Not sure about which bank would be good but whichever bank you choose make sure that they give you a statement of how much interest you paid over the year. Most people don't realize that you can deduct interest paid for a home loan in India is tax deductible in the US. Just FYI.
Not sure about which bank would be good but whichever bank you choose make sure that they give you a statement of how much interest you paid over the year. Most people don't realize that you can deduct interest paid for a home loan in India is tax deductible in the US. Just FYI.
pathiren
07-22 03:19 AM
I posted couple of posts, put down a database for everyone to enter their information and an interesting poll on our SoCal yahoo groups. Please join hands to make our voice louder. Here's the link again:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SC_Immigration_Voice/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SC_Immigration_Voice/
2011 Claymore Wallpaper
ras
07-06 12:15 PM
I dont mean to say against the IV core's efforts. They are doing an amazing job with in their time limits.
But the issue is the time limit itself. There are 20K members dependent on the limited time of the IV Core. They can only see any change when these IV Core's limited time is put to use. And if for some reason IV core is engaged personal interests ( which cannot be denied because they have their personal life too) then valuable time goes wasted.
So the issue is the time spent on activities by the IV Core. We cannot force them to spend their lives on IV activities and at the same time cannot let down the IV member activities. So what is the best way. Get full time coordinators who can come up with strategies that can have real time implications.
Dont bash at me this is just my understanding of the situation.
But the issue is the time limit itself. There are 20K members dependent on the limited time of the IV Core. They can only see any change when these IV Core's limited time is put to use. And if for some reason IV core is engaged personal interests ( which cannot be denied because they have their personal life too) then valuable time goes wasted.
So the issue is the time spent on activities by the IV Core. We cannot force them to spend their lives on IV activities and at the same time cannot let down the IV member activities. So what is the best way. Get full time coordinators who can come up with strategies that can have real time implications.
Dont bash at me this is just my understanding of the situation.
more...
Milind123
09-14 10:59 AM
A quick message and request�
I did not check all the posts today. Will tend to it in the evening. If it disappears off the screen, someone, please bump it. Thanks
I did not check all the posts today. Will tend to it in the evening. If it disappears off the screen, someone, please bump it. Thanks
RN_Usa
07-31 11:42 AM
http://www.coalitiononhealthcarestaffing.org/
more...
pranju
07-18 02:21 PM
only those with labor approved by 31st july can apply.
Everyone can apply until August 17, but in the August VB, all the categories are U, which means no one is current and who knows when that will change. When processing, theoretically RD it's important, but when you get to the stage of being approved, you'll actually be approved only if your PD will be current at that time. Don't count too much on any guidelines, because some people get approved in weeks,others in years. Good luck.
Everyone can apply until August 17, but in the August VB, all the categories are U, which means no one is current and who knows when that will change. When processing, theoretically RD it's important, but when you get to the stage of being approved, you'll actually be approved only if your PD will be current at that time. Don't count too much on any guidelines, because some people get approved in weeks,others in years. Good luck.
2010 Claymore Wallpaper # 8
pappu
07-14 08:22 PM
Thanks. The thread is a sticky now. Let us see how much we can collect. Someone, please add up on the thread. Thanks.
more...
john2255
07-21 08:02 AM
How many of you called senators office.
hair Claymore wallpaper: Clare by
mohitb272
09-13 04:09 PM
You guys are awesome and it is because of people like you that I feel confident that the rally will be a SUCCESS! Alas, I wont be there since my FP date is the same. But I assure you that my contribution will not end here.
Best of luck guys!
Best of luck guys!
more...
ps57002
07-22 12:48 PM
can people also give idea how long/when u got the certified hard copy of approval esp if from atlanta
hot Claymore Anime Wallpaper #7
ashutrip
06-22 02:45 PM
can some one share there login user name and password to check status of labor. My lawyer has not shared this with me and i have to check with him every other day ... wish i could do it myself ... you can pm me if u prefer
-M
each lawyer has a unique one....
-M
each lawyer has a unique one....
more...
house Claymore
eb3_nepa
07-11 10:56 AM
I am EB3-India with PD of August 2003. I am anticipating at least another 2 years. Any forward movement in any category is good news to me.
Yeah I am EB3 India June 2003 too. Not sure when our turn will come, IF at all the way things are crawling here. Sometimes I really feel there is no justice to some of the IV members on here. I wonder which is worse, the corruption in India or the bureaucracy in the USA. Atleast in India, if I would have bribed the official, I would have had the documents by now.
Yeah I am EB3 India June 2003 too. Not sure when our turn will come, IF at all the way things are crawling here. Sometimes I really feel there is no justice to some of the IV members on here. I wonder which is worse, the corruption in India or the bureaucracy in the USA. Atleast in India, if I would have bribed the official, I would have had the documents by now.
tattoo irene (claymore)
digital2k
05-03 07:58 PM
This is The call
Don't miss the chance
IV and We suceeded in July, 2 Year EAD and many more ...
Pls pick up the phone and do your bit
IV is YOU and is Your Best Friend
As the CIR bill outline is getting introduced today, we all need to do our share in making our voice heard. Our issues are real and affect about a million people patiently waiting in line for past several years. We are high-skilled immigrants who have followed all the rules and contribute significantly to the innovation and economy of this county. Our strength is our grassroots efforts, so let us all call our lawmakers and ask them to take immediate action on the immigration bill.
Call your Legislators:
Immigration Voice is organizing a nationwide call-the-lawmakers drive. We request members to call each and every senator and congress member. This drive will precede the �Advocacy Day(s)� in Washington, DC and �Meet the lawmaker� drive in local districts. Members can use this phone call conversation with their local lawmaker offices to follow-up with lawmakers when they meet during the break just after the Memorial day.
Don�t miss this opportunity:
This is the perfect time to call the lawmakers. The bill needs a push via support from people like us and all lawmakers needs to be encouraged and urged to help us. There are indications that there will be lot of activity on immigration issues in both House and Senate after the Memorial day. We need to make those activities go in our favor and not die like the CIR bill in 2006 & 2007. Thus it is important to starting calling lawmakers, starting from the Senate members. In order to capitalize on this opportunity, it is very important that everyone calls every lawmaker of this country. The similar next opportunity will be in 2013. We can participate now or we will all have ourselves to blame.
When:
This campaign starts today at 4:00 PM EST on 29th April, 2010) (Today) and will run until the end of next week. All IV members are encouraged to make multiple phone calls whenever they find some time during the day.
Who:
This is the order in which we would prefer that members call. Call all the senators listed here, even if they are not from your state.
This is the list of offices where there is maximum potential to swing votes either because they are new in the US senate or because they may be reconsidering their position on CIR if the bill has stricter provisions in it.
TIER I: LIST OF KEY SENATORS FOR CIR
Senator Scott Brown (R-Massachusetts)
(202) 224-4543 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting**************(202) 224-4543******end_of_the_skype_highlighting
Senator Judd Gregg (R-New Hampshire)
(202) 224-3324
Senator Richard Lugar (R-Indiana)
(202) 224-4814
Senator Michael Enzi (R-Wyoming)
(202) 224-3424
Senator Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina)
(202) 224-5972
Senator John Ensign (R-Nevada)
(202) 224-6244
Senator Orin Hatch (R-Utah)
(202) 224-5251
Senator John Cornyn (R-Texas)
(202) 224-2934
Senator John Kyl (R-Texas)
(202) 224-4521
Senator Mitch Mcconnell (R-Kentuky)
(202) 224-2541
Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-Minnesota)
(202) 224-3244
Senator Claire McCaskill (D-Missouri)
(202) 224-6154
Senator Jon Tester (D-Montana)
(202) 224-2644
Senator Jim Webb (D-Virginia)
(202) 224-4024
Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-Rhode Island)
(202) 224-2921
What you could say to the Senator offices listed above:
When you call:
Be courteous. Tell the lawmaker office that:
--------------------------------------------
I am a high skilled immigrant and a member of Immigration Voice. I fully support the proposed comprehensive immigration reform bill due to be introduced later in the day today.
I am calling to express my support for the high skilled provisions to resolve the current green card backlogs of the doctors, engineers, research scientist and professors etc. This group of highly skilled immigrants stimulates every part of the economy participating in creating economic prosperity, innovation and entrepreneurship for creating more jobs in America.
I strongly urge the Senator to please support this bill. If it is possible, could you please share the position of the Senator on the Comprehensive Immigration Reform bill?
Thank you and I am counting on the Senator�s support for this very important bill of national priority. Please convey regards to the Senator.
--------------------------------------------
If you belong to the constituency (State) of the lawmaker, then tell them that you belong to their district/state and are calling to seek their help. If you are talking to a Senator office then tell them you are anxiously waiting for a Senators support for the immigration bill.
- Then ask: What is the lawmaker�s position on this bill/issue for you? If the position is
- Supportive: Then thank the lawmaker office for it.
- If they oppose it: Then request them to support the high skilled green card provisions of the bill that will greatly help you. You sincerely hope that the lawmaker will reconsider his/her position and help you.
- Be polite and persuasive in your message.
Question What if some Senators say they do not support amnesty. -
Answer "For last 10 years there has been no High-skilled immigration bill passed by the Congress. The world has changed in last 10 years. I understand that the Senator is a champion for creating more jobs in America. Employment based green cards will create jobs in America. I want to start my own company and hire people in America. But I cannot do that if I don't have a green card.
I would sincerely request you to please convey to the Senator if he would consider supporting some version of the immigration bill
giving more weight to green cards and creating jobs in America, or maybe the Senator could lead the effort for improving the proposal"
TIER II: LIST OF KEY SENATORS SPONSORING OR CO-SPONSORING CIR BILL
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (Nevada)
(202) 224-3542
Senator Dick Durbin (Illinois)
(202) 224-2152
Senator Chuck Schumer (New York)
(202) 224-6542
Senator Patrick Leahy (Vermont)
(202) 224-4242
Senator Dianne Feinstein (California)
(202) 224-3841
Senator Bob Menendez (New Jersey)
(202) 224-4744
Sen. Ben Cardin (Maryland)
(202) 224-4524
What:
When you call:
Be courteous. Tell the lawmaker office that:
--------------------------------------------
I am a high skilled immigrant and a member of Immigration Voice. I fully support the proposed comprehensive immigration reform bill due to be introduced later in the day today.
Thank you for the Senator�s leadership on this very important issue of immigration. Please convey my gratitude, full support and regards to the Senator.
--------------------------------------------
- Be polite and persuasive in your message.
Stick to the message and you will really make a big difference.
Please post the outcome of your call on this thread. For more information please contact IV.
Thank You,
Immigration Voice
Don't miss the chance
IV and We suceeded in July, 2 Year EAD and many more ...
Pls pick up the phone and do your bit
IV is YOU and is Your Best Friend
As the CIR bill outline is getting introduced today, we all need to do our share in making our voice heard. Our issues are real and affect about a million people patiently waiting in line for past several years. We are high-skilled immigrants who have followed all the rules and contribute significantly to the innovation and economy of this county. Our strength is our grassroots efforts, so let us all call our lawmakers and ask them to take immediate action on the immigration bill.
Call your Legislators:
Immigration Voice is organizing a nationwide call-the-lawmakers drive. We request members to call each and every senator and congress member. This drive will precede the �Advocacy Day(s)� in Washington, DC and �Meet the lawmaker� drive in local districts. Members can use this phone call conversation with their local lawmaker offices to follow-up with lawmakers when they meet during the break just after the Memorial day.
Don�t miss this opportunity:
This is the perfect time to call the lawmakers. The bill needs a push via support from people like us and all lawmakers needs to be encouraged and urged to help us. There are indications that there will be lot of activity on immigration issues in both House and Senate after the Memorial day. We need to make those activities go in our favor and not die like the CIR bill in 2006 & 2007. Thus it is important to starting calling lawmakers, starting from the Senate members. In order to capitalize on this opportunity, it is very important that everyone calls every lawmaker of this country. The similar next opportunity will be in 2013. We can participate now or we will all have ourselves to blame.
When:
This campaign starts today at 4:00 PM EST on 29th April, 2010) (Today) and will run until the end of next week. All IV members are encouraged to make multiple phone calls whenever they find some time during the day.
Who:
This is the order in which we would prefer that members call. Call all the senators listed here, even if they are not from your state.
This is the list of offices where there is maximum potential to swing votes either because they are new in the US senate or because they may be reconsidering their position on CIR if the bill has stricter provisions in it.
TIER I: LIST OF KEY SENATORS FOR CIR
Senator Scott Brown (R-Massachusetts)
(202) 224-4543 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting**************(202) 224-4543******end_of_the_skype_highlighting
Senator Judd Gregg (R-New Hampshire)
(202) 224-3324
Senator Richard Lugar (R-Indiana)
(202) 224-4814
Senator Michael Enzi (R-Wyoming)
(202) 224-3424
Senator Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina)
(202) 224-5972
Senator John Ensign (R-Nevada)
(202) 224-6244
Senator Orin Hatch (R-Utah)
(202) 224-5251
Senator John Cornyn (R-Texas)
(202) 224-2934
Senator John Kyl (R-Texas)
(202) 224-4521
Senator Mitch Mcconnell (R-Kentuky)
(202) 224-2541
Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-Minnesota)
(202) 224-3244
Senator Claire McCaskill (D-Missouri)
(202) 224-6154
Senator Jon Tester (D-Montana)
(202) 224-2644
Senator Jim Webb (D-Virginia)
(202) 224-4024
Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-Rhode Island)
(202) 224-2921
What you could say to the Senator offices listed above:
When you call:
Be courteous. Tell the lawmaker office that:
--------------------------------------------
I am a high skilled immigrant and a member of Immigration Voice. I fully support the proposed comprehensive immigration reform bill due to be introduced later in the day today.
I am calling to express my support for the high skilled provisions to resolve the current green card backlogs of the doctors, engineers, research scientist and professors etc. This group of highly skilled immigrants stimulates every part of the economy participating in creating economic prosperity, innovation and entrepreneurship for creating more jobs in America.
I strongly urge the Senator to please support this bill. If it is possible, could you please share the position of the Senator on the Comprehensive Immigration Reform bill?
Thank you and I am counting on the Senator�s support for this very important bill of national priority. Please convey regards to the Senator.
--------------------------------------------
If you belong to the constituency (State) of the lawmaker, then tell them that you belong to their district/state and are calling to seek their help. If you are talking to a Senator office then tell them you are anxiously waiting for a Senators support for the immigration bill.
- Then ask: What is the lawmaker�s position on this bill/issue for you? If the position is
- Supportive: Then thank the lawmaker office for it.
- If they oppose it: Then request them to support the high skilled green card provisions of the bill that will greatly help you. You sincerely hope that the lawmaker will reconsider his/her position and help you.
- Be polite and persuasive in your message.
Question What if some Senators say they do not support amnesty. -
Answer "For last 10 years there has been no High-skilled immigration bill passed by the Congress. The world has changed in last 10 years. I understand that the Senator is a champion for creating more jobs in America. Employment based green cards will create jobs in America. I want to start my own company and hire people in America. But I cannot do that if I don't have a green card.
I would sincerely request you to please convey to the Senator if he would consider supporting some version of the immigration bill
giving more weight to green cards and creating jobs in America, or maybe the Senator could lead the effort for improving the proposal"
TIER II: LIST OF KEY SENATORS SPONSORING OR CO-SPONSORING CIR BILL
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (Nevada)
(202) 224-3542
Senator Dick Durbin (Illinois)
(202) 224-2152
Senator Chuck Schumer (New York)
(202) 224-6542
Senator Patrick Leahy (Vermont)
(202) 224-4242
Senator Dianne Feinstein (California)
(202) 224-3841
Senator Bob Menendez (New Jersey)
(202) 224-4744
Sen. Ben Cardin (Maryland)
(202) 224-4524
What:
When you call:
Be courteous. Tell the lawmaker office that:
--------------------------------------------
I am a high skilled immigrant and a member of Immigration Voice. I fully support the proposed comprehensive immigration reform bill due to be introduced later in the day today.
Thank you for the Senator�s leadership on this very important issue of immigration. Please convey my gratitude, full support and regards to the Senator.
--------------------------------------------
- Be polite and persuasive in your message.
Stick to the message and you will really make a big difference.
Please post the outcome of your call on this thread. For more information please contact IV.
Thank You,
Immigration Voice
more...
pictures Claymore Anime Wallpaper #5
Prasad_FL
09-09 06:36 PM
I have sent $100 thru paypal today. I had contributed $100 for the rally in August also.
Pals, Please make our event successful with your generous contributions. IV is taking care of all other pains. At least we can do our part by contributions.
Pals, Please make our event successful with your generous contributions. IV is taking care of all other pains. At least we can do our part by contributions.
dresses claymore-isley-awakened-
skillet
06-20 01:07 PM
Mine was filed in Feb 07. My lawyer has opened an inquiry and its pending too
more...
makeup Claymore Anime Wallpaper #8
rajuram
09-01 09:40 PM
Came in Sept 99, still waiting ....seems more like a century. Survived a major blunder by the lawyer...
god help me and all others !
god help me and all others !
girlfriend Claymore sword
spicy_guy
09-01 11:30 AM
Landed here on jan 1st, 1998 (F1)
Survived 2 recessions
No hope as labour filled in eb3
Oh man! Landed here in 1998. But your PD is 2008 and IN EB3?!?!?
You must be the oldest person in this thread as well. :D
Survived 2 recessions
No hope as labour filled in eb3
Oh man! Landed here in 1998. But your PD is 2008 and IN EB3?!?!?
You must be the oldest person in this thread as well. :D
hairstyles Claymore Wallpaper
realizeit
07-11 10:51 AM
These two could be the real reasons why they changed the dates to 2006-June-01.
1. USCIS want to utilize all available EB2 and EB1-Balance GC numbers before 2008-0ct-01. So, they moved the EB2 dates in such a way that there is enough room for obtaining approvable and valid EB2 applications.
2. They could just move the dates to somewhere at the end of 2005 instead of 2006-June to achieve the same result. But, they did this specifically to include some relief to EB2 CHINA folks as well. EB2 China backlog starts from the beginning of 2006.
3. This reason is from my imagination: USCIS is a govt organization..You know. I heard stories that corruption is there everywhere in a GOVT system. Some influential applicant needs to get the benefit and they moved the dates to June-2006. :)) HEY THIS IS NOT TRUE :)
Oh by the way, this won't last long. The month September could see an "UNAVAILABLE" EB2 or "2004-APRIL" EB2.
My heart jumps with joy, but my brain still caution the heart to wait for the official visa bulletin at DOS/USCIS website. USCIS has a trend of "correcting" the visa bulletin. Nevertheless, if the dates are really what they are published at Mumbai site, its a time for us to be happy.
EB2 looks promising, but in this moment of joy lets not forget our friends in EB3 category. Anyone whose priority date is current, please don't just move forward with your joy, and continue to support IV and our initiatives to help legal immigrants. We have suffered so much because the folks who came prior to us never bothered to support legal immigration, once they got their their GC. Please remember that after GC/Citizenship, your status in this nation depends on how active you are socially/politically.
1. USCIS want to utilize all available EB2 and EB1-Balance GC numbers before 2008-0ct-01. So, they moved the EB2 dates in such a way that there is enough room for obtaining approvable and valid EB2 applications.
2. They could just move the dates to somewhere at the end of 2005 instead of 2006-June to achieve the same result. But, they did this specifically to include some relief to EB2 CHINA folks as well. EB2 China backlog starts from the beginning of 2006.
3. This reason is from my imagination: USCIS is a govt organization..You know. I heard stories that corruption is there everywhere in a GOVT system. Some influential applicant needs to get the benefit and they moved the dates to June-2006. :)) HEY THIS IS NOT TRUE :)
Oh by the way, this won't last long. The month September could see an "UNAVAILABLE" EB2 or "2004-APRIL" EB2.
My heart jumps with joy, but my brain still caution the heart to wait for the official visa bulletin at DOS/USCIS website. USCIS has a trend of "correcting" the visa bulletin. Nevertheless, if the dates are really what they are published at Mumbai site, its a time for us to be happy.
EB2 looks promising, but in this moment of joy lets not forget our friends in EB3 category. Anyone whose priority date is current, please don't just move forward with your joy, and continue to support IV and our initiatives to help legal immigrants. We have suffered so much because the folks who came prior to us never bothered to support legal immigration, once they got their their GC. Please remember that after GC/Citizenship, your status in this nation depends on how active you are socially/politically.
chantu
07-11 11:44 AM
I have one question?
I have case id for ETA form. I could see my details by downloading MDB file from flcdatacenter. How can I know whether I am EB2 or EB3? I do not want to ask my employer.
Can somebody please answer?
I have case id for ETA form. I could see my details by downloading MDB file from flcdatacenter. How can I know whether I am EB2 or EB3? I do not want to ask my employer.
Can somebody please answer?
xyzgc
02-08 01:50 PM
Hi,
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
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